Yes, there’s a reason for my silence here… In part, i simply haven’t made the time because i have been attending several workshops to deepen my training in Nonviolent Communication (NVC). And i am busy writing my master’s thesis. The other part, though, is much more exciting to me: I’ve discovered how i can integrate what i am so passionate about! I am passionate about designing ways for overcoming stereotypes and empowering people to design sustainability into their lives. 
Basically, i want to transform culture one life at a time! And i’ve stumbled on a powerful toolkit that allows us to do just that. It combines NVC with interpersonal neurobiology. I am slowly redesigning this website, integrating my new learnings – see the teaser graphic to the right. The basic offering remains the same: Guidance for your life design. It now includes a focus on healing those inner messages that we’ve picked up along the way, which stop us from living life fully.
What is interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB)? Well, it’s a field within neuroscience started by Daniel Siegel. Neurobiology looks at our brain – the thing that’s in our skull plus all the information gathering entities throughout our body – and how it influences and is influenced by our experience. The “interpersonal” is a very important aspect of that shaping: Our brain is (partially) formed by our interactions with other people. If these interactions are life-affirming, that is we have secure attachment, we grow up “well attuned,” which means that we can deal with stress and life’s challenges without blaming either others or ourselves (at least most of the time). If our childhood was more chaotic – or even traumatic – we weren’t able to develop a secure attachment – and often go around blaming others or ourselves (or both) for what’s not going as desired in our lives. The cool thing is that we’re not stuck with that! Research from neuroscience in general, and IPNB in particular, is discovering how we can use the plasticity of the brain to heal ourselves. Plasticity? No, the brain isn’t made out of plastic! Plasticity means that the brain continues to grow and change – the pathways that were formed during childhood might be strong but they aren’t permanent. Basically, we can rewire our brain. Although it becomes less plastic with age, we can discover those old messages (“i am not good enough,” “the world is a dangerous and unloving place”) and build new pathways.
I experienced some of that during the intensive 7-day workshop i attended in July. I reconnected with my child-self and was able to help her learn that some of the beliefs she had were either no longer matching reality or never did. It was very exciting! Additionally, after the workshop, i realized that this isn’t just helpful for my own growth. It fits beautifully with my master’s thesis and my life contribution! I literally had the sense of a missing puzzle piece falling into place! In my thesis, I am looking at ways of overcoming stereotypes against singles with the hypothesis in mind that this requires both internal and external changes. The IPNB-based processes i learned in July (and continue to study & develop) can contribute to internal healing because we often internalize stereotypes as shaming messages (like “i am not good enough because i am not coupled”). I also noticed how much quicker my healing happened in a supportive community – the other workshop participants. So, an external change i suggest is to gradually replace the nuclear family (mom, dad, 2.5 kids in the house in the suburbs) with an intentional family that combines people of all ages to form a loving environment that counteracts the idea that we have to be coupled to get our needs met (and, as a side effect, can also be a “breading ground” for participatory democracy). All of this i am now reconsolidating – to use a neuroscientific term in a slightly different context – into my contributions here to help people design their lives out of a deeply integrated self. And with that i hope to contribute to my overall goal: Bring about a cultural shift toward a culture where everybody’s needs matter and we interact compassionately.
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