As I point out in my services introduction, there are many tools available to us that can enhance our lives. Yet, the benefit of each tool emerges more fully if we plant them as a guild, integrating rather than segregating the tools.

To change our behavior, there are three fundamental steps, which we can visualize as a tool spiral, inspired by permaculture’s herbal spirals (click on an image to see a larger version):

Tool Guild Side View

Tool Guild Spiral View

An awareness practice forms the foundation. This can be something like formal meditation or simply a willingness to watch what we are doing. The goal is to increase our awareness of our thoughts and feelings, which can be great feedback loops. If our thoughts are full of (self-)judgments, they tell us that we are not living in compassion. If we are running around angry, our feeling serves as an indicator that our needs are not being met.

Once we become aware that something in our life is out of balance, we can go deeper through analysis. There are several tools that I like to use for this step: Four Questions, Focusing, and self-empathy. Analysis allows us to determine what we are telling ourselves that contributes to our feelings and/or what need(s) we are not meeting.

Finally, we can change our behavior through using tools based on Nonviolent Communication and some ideas from Rational-Emotive Behavioral Therapy.

The top view of the spiral also signals that there are no clear borders between these steps. They are mutually reinforcing and some tools might be useful in more than one step. Obviously, though, if you are not aware of what you are telling yourself, you will not be able to analyze your thoughts. So, there is a certain order in the steps.

You can find more details on these tools in articles on Awareness Practice, Analysis, and Changing Behavior.

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